People everywhere of all ages are experiencing a pandemic of loneliness which is associated with a greater risk for physical & mental health conditions such as cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, & anxiety. Researchers tracked 7,000 people in one California county over 9 years & found that people who had unhealthy habits like smoking & eating the wrong kinds of food, but had strong relationships, lived significantly longer than people who had healthy habits but lived more isolated lives. If Solomon could turn that into a Proverb, it might be: “It is better to each Cheetos with friends than Cauliflower alone.”
Another study from the Journal of the American Medical Association found that people with strong relationships were much better at fighting off colds & viruses than those without those relationships. I suppose that means not having as many runny noses. Hence, an additional Proverb: “Friendly people aren’t as snotty as unfriendly people.”
God made us for fellowship. You can have “fellowship” outside the church, but in the church you have the best potential because the love that flows from God is deeper, richer, & more authentic. I fellowship with people I may not have normally chosen as friends because we share a common commitment to Christ, a common goal to glorify God, common convictions, & a common destiny.
Yet most Christians no longer attend church weekly. Many sporadically or seldom attend services. Often their reasons are based on personal factors & family dynamics. But sometimes it’s because they don’t understand the nature of church. They see it as an option when it’s appealing & they have the time—much like going to a concert, movie, or ball game. It’s a bit transactional: “Am I getting enough value from it for the time I spend?” So such services don’t seem to be a necessary ingredient in their narcissistic spirituality. They may even become “dropouts” (though in their minds they may think they “graduated”).
It’s more like going to family birthday parties or holiday gatherings. We don’t go to see what we can “get out of” them—we go because we’re part of the family & we’re there to show our love & support for one another. It’s encouraging to see the family all together! But what a bummer when only half the family shows up. What message does that send? We need to actually see each other together to be reminded that we’re brothers & sisters who aren’t alone. The outside community needs to see that as well. Full church parking lots make a statement.
Why does Scripture specifically tell us not to neglect meeting together? We’re to stir up one another to love & good works, encouraging one another (Heb. 10:24-25). It’s not about what you can “get out of” it, but how you can help build up others. When we all do that, then we all benefit as well. Regular fellowship is really good for you & especially your kids. It helps you face life’s problems. The world can be a cold, indifferent & discouraging place. But the church is a warm oasis of prayer & care for one other. The world is a tempting place. You need those you can learn from & who care enough to correct you when needed (Prov. 27:17). Fellowship keeps us walking in the light.
Are small churches more friendly than large churches? Not necessarily. I’ve served in small to medium to mega sizes, & I can affirm that one can be just as cliquey as the other. It can be even more difficult for a newbie to break into the fellowship of a small church. In the early centuries of house churches, if someone went missing, it was obvious. Large churches are great in terms of offering lots of fellowship opportunities (like midweek small groups & classes), but it’s also easy for people to get lost in the Sunday crowd, fall through the cracks, & go missing without being noticed. No matter the size, relationships form that glue that helps people “stick” & keep coming back week after week (even when the services aren’t particularly inspiring).
What I find ironic is that sometimes those who are M.I.A. (Missing In Attendance) end up blaming the church for not caring enough to notice. If that’s true, then shame on us. But isn’t it also true that the one missing has first demonstrated a lack of care for the ones he’s deserting? They may question: “Why didn’t you reach out to me?” An appropriate but unspoken answer would be: “Why did you leave us? That sent a message that you didn’t want to be around us.” While churches should ask if they’re unintentionally neglecting people, the ones neglected also should question if they made any intentional effort to make friends.
Church has to become more than a periodic place to go for a pep rally, but a weekly priority for people who belong to Christ & one another (Rom. 12:5). It needs to be about showing up early to greet & get to know one another instead of slipping in anonymously. It should be more about sticking around afterward to catch up with one another than hustling out before the final song to make it to the restaurant/game/theater/couch. It has to be about venturing out of tight relational comfort zones to become more of an extended family reunion.