One of the Greek New Testament words for “love” is “philia,” which means friendship or affection. The book of Proverbs offers a lot of godly advice on friendship. For example, it says solid friendships are built on loyalty. “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24). What an incredible blessing to have people you know will be there for you–that you can count on. To have those kinds of friends, you need to give that kind of loyalty yourself. “Do not forsake your friend…” (Prov. 27:10).
We’ve all had people who we thought would never forsake us, but then betray or bail on you. They might say, “I’ve got your back,” but then turn their back & stab you in yours. Fair-weather friends will be your friend if you’ve got money, or you’re popular, or you can do something for them. But when you no longer can contribute value to their lives, they’re gone.
Proverbs also says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Prov. 27:6). Real friends will tell you what you need to hear, even when it’s hard, while fake friends will flatter you & tell you what you want to hear. Solid friendships are built on truth & trust. We’re able to be honest with one another, which can be scary because being open gives that person the power to potentially hurt you. But we trust them with the truth anyway in a mutual understanding that we want to bring out the best in each other. If a friend is doing something wrong or unwise, we let him know while being tactfully truthful. Why? Because we have his best interests at heart.
True friends are the ones we have confidence in & will listen to. “The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel… Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:9, 17). We receive their counsel because we know they’re trying to help. It’s the kind of relationship described in Ecc. 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”
Nowhere is this more important than in our concern for a friend’s spiritual well-being. Another Greek word in the New Testament is “koinonia,” translated as “fellowship,” but it’s on a deeper level than any English word can convey. It’s sharing a common bond in our commitment to Jesus Christ, so that it transcends our human diversity & differences. It’s a spiritual communion in Christ demonstrated through practicing the “one another’s”–accept, serve, encourage & build up one another (Rom. 15:7, Gal. 5:13, 6:2). We have equal concern for each other (1 Cor. 12:25), so we teach, admonish & pray for one another (Col. 3:16, James 5:16). We’re devoted to one another in a brotherly “philia” & honor one another above ourselves (Rom. 12:10).
But when it comes to friends who aren’t fellow believers, then our greatest concern is to connect them to our best friend–Jesus (John 15:13-15). If we truly care for them, how can we not care about their souls & eternal destinies? How can we withhold from them the most important thing in our lives, or in the whole world?!
One of the most touching scenes in Scripture is when four men cared so much for their disabled friend that they lugged him up on a roof, tore it open, & lowered him down so that he could get to Jesus. Of the vast number who find their way to Jesus today, most reach him because the friends of Jesus are concerned about the welfare of their souls. 70-90% of new church members start coming because a friend or relative invited them. Sometimes all that people need is a simple invitation. It feels good to be invited by someone even if it’s turned down. Yet how many are never invited?
In 1920 an article appeared in a journal about Henry Ford going to Indianapolis to visit the Marmon plant. The one relating the story claims that Mr. Marmon asked Ford why he didn’t buy a Marmon Sedan. Ford replied, “You never asked me before–sure send me one.” When a representative of Pierce-Arrow in Detroit discovered the purchase, he confronted Ford: “Look here, Henry, you and I have been mighty good friends… why didn’t you buy a Pierce-Arrow from me?” Ford replied again, “Because you didn’t ask me to.”
Have you invited someone lately? Have you introduced them to Jesus? Don’t give up if they turn you down…try again at a later time when they may be more open to it. That’s what real friends do.