Since it’s that time of year to recognize fathers, let’s revisit what God actually calls fathers to do–not according to current culture, but according to Scripture.
His first responsibility is to provide physical necessities. That doesn’t mean he should provide for all his kids’ wants or imagined entitlements. But a good father knows how to provide good things for his children (Luke 11:11-13). A man who doesn’t provide adequately for his family is guilty of a serious offense (1 Tim. 5:8). So, the father must not shirk his responsibility through laziness or negligence.
Of course, there may be times when a man is unable to earn a decent living due to physical disability (like my dad) or unavailability of good jobs. That’s understandable. But there’s no excuse for a man who refuses to work or who settles for a job that barely keeps his family afloat. A good man will do his best to find the most profitable kind of work he can in order to provide a decent living for his family. If he’s able to improve his skills & education to get a better job, let him do so.
There are some circumstances where the better arrangement for a couple is for the wife to work outside the home while the husband remains home with the children. But in that case, it would be because he has agreed to her desire to do so, while he may be better suited to care for the children. It should not be him telling her to go to work instead of him because he doesn’t want to carry the burden of providing.
Fathers also provide direction. Because God has placed the man as the head of the family, he’s the one who sets the tone & example for everyone else. In biblical times, it was the parents’ responsibility, particularly the father’s, to be the chief teachers of their children. Even when parents send their kids to schools, that doesn’t mean they’re no longer responsible for teaching.
Children learn some of the most important lessons of life before they ever set foot in a classroom. And their most fundamental training doesn’t come from sitting in classrooms but in dining rooms. And while schools may teach the classic 3 “R’s” (reading, ‘riting, ‘rithmatic), they do not teach the most important “R”–religion. That is absolutely the parents’ responsibility.
The Old Testament father assumed spiritual leadership within the family, functioning as a kind of family “priest.” We see this clearly in Job’s life (Job 1:4-5). The father was expected to lead his family in observing various rites, such as the Passover. Along with the mother, the father was to train up a child in the way he should go (Prov. 22:6). The father also had to convey all of God’s Law to his children (Deut. 6:7-9). In fact, the book of Proverbs is really a series of instructions, both practical & theological, from a father to a son.
By New Testament times, the synagogue school had become popular for Jewish children. This likely carried over in Christian communities. Still, Ephesians 6:4 places the responsibility upon fathers to bring up their children in the training & instruction of the Lord while the church then comes alongside to support & partner with parents. There’s no greater joy than leading a child to faith in Christ. And statistics show that children are far more likely to follow in the spiritual footsteps of their fathers than they are their mothers.
One of the standards that all fathers should aspire to is to “manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,” & that “his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination” (1 Timothy 3:5, Titus 1:6). How can a Christian father accomplish this? By living up to the other standards God has set for godly men in those 2 pastoral passages.
When children fail to heed their parents’ direction, then discipline is needed. Many have been convinced that it’s primitive & barbaric to spank. But God himself sanctioned it (Prov. 13:24, 23:13-14). God isn’t condoning brutality & abuse, but measured methods of purposeful correction. After all, look at where many modern theories of lenient or gentle child-rearing have gotten us in society. While some parents would never consider corporal punishment, they still may inflict severe tongue lashings. It’s really shocking & disgusting to go out in public & hear how some parents speak to their children. I’ve heard kids beaten black & blue with cursing, stinging remarks, & name-calling.
Physical discipline is a final resort. But whether it’s used or not, all discipline should be expressed in love, not anger.Tough love makes us better persons, reinforcing our sense of right & wrong so that we’ll choose life over death (Prov. 19:8). “For what son is there whom his father does not discipline” (Heb. 12:7)? This is referring to God’s discipline of us, His children. If He didn’t love us, he wouldn’t bother disciplining us. Though it’s not pleasant, He does it for our good (Heb. 12:6, 11). Discipline ought to be applied fairly, consistently, & temperately (Eph. 6:4, Col. 3:12). Such discipline inspires love & respect in the child (at least eventually).
How children relate to their fathers is likely how they’ll relate to God. A child’s earthly father is the best idea he has of his heavenly Father. How do you want your children to picture God?