Four communication behaviors were identified as marriage killers by Dr. John Gottman after studying 2,000 married couples. If any of them are repeatedly occurring, it’s a major red flag resulting in resentment & bitterness. You’re almost guaranteed a divorce. Are you guilty of any of these? Probably all 4 of them at some points…but is it an ongoing pattern?
Criticism. Are you constantly critical of your spouse, tearing him/her down? Or are you able to gently correct behavior instead of assassinating character? Are you able to tell him/her how their behavior makes you feel instead of labeling them with negative put-downs & name-calling?
Contempt. Does your criticism go even further by turning into contempt? Do you show disrespect & disgust by your mocking words, hostile “humor” & sneering tone of voice? Or are you instead able to look for good in your partner & show patience & express appreciation for what’s good?
Defensiveness. Do you get into arguments where you avoid accountability & shift the blame to counterattack? Or are you able to accept responsibility that you may be part of the problem? Can you humbly demonstrate a willingness to see your part in the problem?
Stonewalling. Do you shut down communication as a form of manipulation, giving the silent treatment & cold shoulder? Are you rolling your eyes & shrugging off your mate’s concerns? Or are you able to engage & express your feelings so you can work things out?
Like we encouraged you in last Sunday’s message, practice the basic spiritual habits that build a Christ-centered home–daily prayer with or at least for one another; weekly worship together in church; read & follow Scripture! God’s Word offers prescriptions for living together in harmony & for right attitudes that shield against destructive & addictive behaviors. Surround yourself with godly people to reinforce your marriage-get in a group. Get counseling if you think it will help-just make sure it aligns with God’s Word. Go to OnlyGodCanHelp.com to find recommendations. Read some helpful Christian books on marriage. Watch some videos on RightNow Media.