I think society is still traumatized by that horrible era of enforced isolation 5 years ago. We got used to avoiding people. Some continue to cocoon up at home with the TV & iPad. Even today, I rarely go out anywhere. I now get my groceries delivered with an inexpensive annual membership. Anything else I want, I typically order from online retailers. I rarely eat at restaurants anymore, both because of how unhealthy it typically is, & how expensive it’s gotten. So my interactions (outside of church) have grown few & far between.
Artificial intelligence is replacing live humans when interacting with businesses via phone or live chat. Instructional YouTube videos have replaced asking people for help with projects. And with more automation, drones, driverless cars, & robots, we’ll experience even less human interaction. People are already using artificial intelligence as substitute companions. Millions are using platforms that offer personalized, empathetic conversations that mimic friendship. One study this year found that 19% of those aged 18-30 have engaged with AI simulating romantic partners.
Attitudes are shifting on social media, too. I hardly follow anyone on Facebook like I used to, & don’t follow anyone I know personally on any other platform. Over the past couple of years, 30% of U.S. adults report cutting back, with those under 45 most likely to express fatigue with it. While you’d think the elderly would experience loneliness most, it’s actually the youngest who are. The lockdowns stunted their social skills, with 25% of Gen Z reporting discomfort with in-person socializing.
Of course, you can feel loneliness even without being alone. It’s a feeling, whether real or imagined, that no one is really interested in or cares about you. Even popular people can discover that they have few real friends when times get tough. It can be a feeling of abandonment, or an emptiness that you don’t have anyone to share your life with. It may be feeling like you don’t belong or aren’t accepted. And it hurts. Feelings of loneliness inevitably lead to a sense of distress & depression.
Nothing wrong with enjoying alone time. But there is a problem with isolating from others because God created us for community. When Adam was alone in the Garden, God identified the issue when He said, “It’s not good” (Gen. 2:18). Though He created us for fellowship with Him, our sin broke the relationship because it’s the act of an enemy (Rom. 5:10). Sin created a great gulf of separation & alienation (Is. 59:2, Col. 1:21). But Jesus took the initiative to reconcile us to God through His death, making us His friends (Eph. 2:13, 16, John 15:15). If no one else on the planet cares about you, the God of heaven does!
As a believer, you’re never truly alone. The Lord promises to always be with us & never leave us (Matt. 28:20, Heb. 13:5, Rom. 8:38-39). So don’t keep your distance by continuing in sin (Ps. 66:18, 1 John 1:6). Don’t ignore or neglect Him, but spend time in prayer & Bible reading because as you draw near to Him, He draws near to you (James 4:8).
God’s remedy for loneliness involved both the cross & the Church (Eph. 2:13-16). He pulls us together to be members of His redeemed community—to belong to His one big family (Rom. 12:4-5). We have a relationship with other believers that bonds us together as brothers & sisters. But God didn’t save you just so you could sit in a building on Sundays to stare at distant people on a stage & at the back of other people’s heads. A couple of verses that are often used to urge church attendance actually don’t have much to do with “worship” of God but fellowship with one another (Heb. 10:24-25). We can meet with God 24/7, but it’s in our gatherings that we fellowship as His family & body. (Acts 2:42, Rom. 12:10, 1 Thess. 5:11, Gal. 6:2, Col. 3:16).
Sadly, some who try going to church looking for warmth & acceptance don’t find it. It can feel more like a crowd than a family, especially in larger churches. So people may eventually drift away & drop out because they feel like outsiders. The neighborhood bar becomes a substitute for fellowship, as it attempts to copy what the church is supposed to offer.
But sometimes it’s because such people never make the effort to get involved. So when they start missing church services for a few weeks, nobody really notices. That’s why it’s important to show up for all-church & men’s or women’s fellowship events to make connections. It’s important to get involved in a Bible study group & serving on a team where people know you personally. That’s the glue that keeps people connected.
But sometimes it’s because the church members don’t make any effort to include them. That’s why it’s also important that we be welcoming to folks who aren’t part of our church family yet. While we enjoy our fellowship with those we already know, we dare not become inward-focused & cliquish. Spend time each Sunday before & after a service getting to know some new people.
If you’ve been feeling lonely, instead of trying therapeutic band-aids & mood-altering substances, let it compel you to seek God & experience community. That’s the real cure for that hole in your heart. Give it another try & get yourself to church on Sundays.